This is a column I wrote a while back, so it's a little long for the average blog. You were warned.

Gender gap through language

We hear a lot today about good communication. It’s the answer to everything. Many of us have heard that if guys and girls would just communicate, then relationships would flourish, marriages would be saved, the rivers would flow with milk and honey.

While true communication is key, there is a large gap between talking and communicating. This is due largely to the fact that word meanings change not only over time but also over gender. Words like “hot”, “love”, “commitment”, and terms of endearment have very different meanings for guys than they do for girls.

But the real communication block is the word “cute.” This word has been confusing guys and girls alike for years. According to Mr. Webster, cute means “attractive or pretty especially in a childish, youthful, or delicate way.”

Most would agree that infants, attractive children, puppies and other baby animals are cute. But beyond that, I would say guys don’t have a really good grasp on how girls use the term.

Girls use cute to describe nearly anything; especially anything small. This is understandable with miniature pets, stuffed animals, and perhaps Dollhouse furniture. However, when we start talking about miniature bottles of hand lotion, baby carrots, and other such ridiculous things as cute, it’s no wonder guys are lost.

The most recent meaning of the word cute is, possibly, even more confusing. The word has come to have little, if any, connection to physical appearance. Girls are now using the word cute to indicate their approval of something, or more frequently of someone. More often than not, the someones they are approving of are other girls. One will often hear the phrase: “She’s cute; I like her.”

This type of phrase is most often used to describe the kind of sweet, pleasant girls other girls view as completely non-threatening. When jealous, a girl will rarely refer to another as cute. If they do, it has an entirely different connotation. In these instances, the term refers to being “cutesy” – hardly a compliment. The term is the polite way to convey meanings such as shallow, trite, trying too hard, and other more unflattering terms.

In addition to being the blanket mark of approval, or disapproval, depending on how it is used, the term is also used to convey affection. The phrase, “You’re so cute,” especially if it follows an odd or quirky act, implies a laughing sort of tolerance for their behavior. You like them, so you’ll humor them, even though they may be slightly weird.

Yikes. Running through so many definitions of only one word is enough to make anyone dizzy. Considering the wide variety of situations in which the term is used, it’s sometimes difficult to tell how to react if it is used to describe you.

For girls, it is probably necessary to be familiar with the multiple meanings of the term. Guys, give up now. And don’t worry, we think you’re cute.