Ten years ago today, we lost Clayne in a car crash. Wow. Ten years is a long time. Sometimes I think about what it would be like if he were still here. Sometimes I don’t want to, because it hurts. But sometimes I look around and I can see him everywhere. I can see just what he would be doing, where he would be standing, what he would be thinking.
He would be 16 years old: a junior in high school, a priest, dating and driving age. He would be wearing slim, dark jeans and a t-shirt, and his hair would be doing that thing where it sticks up a little in the front. He would be tall, and strong, and freckled, with bright blue eyes and a huge, friendly smile just mischievous enough to make the girls a little crazy.
He would go to priesthood session with my dad, and brought all his friends home for ice cream afterwards. He would have gone to youth conference and heard Geneil speak. He would be the only child in the family taller than her. He would love sports. He would play basketball after mutual, football on Thanksgiving, and watch baseball with dad. He might even be on a team at school, but I don’t know which one. I think he would inherit Dad’s competitive spirit.
He would have so many friends. He would be buddies with Carl and Ryan and Cameron. He would miss Matt now that he is away, and be thrilled that Sam moved into the ward. He would wish we lived closer to his cousins, so they could hang together more often. He would get along well with all the girls, and practice flirting with Leslie’s friends. Plenty of them would like him. He might have a crush or two, but I won’t tell you on whom, because that would embarrass him.
He would be smart. School would frustrate him, but he would try hard and have plenty of fun along the way. He would be in the choir with Leslie, definitely singing bass. He would love seminary. He would go to mutual, hike, camp and go on high adventures. He would love to go to the temple and do baptisms. He would be preparing for his mission, and starting to save his money from odd jobs. If you asked him, he would tell you he wants to go to France, just like his Dad. In fact, I think there are a lot of things he would do because he wanted to be just like his Dad.
He would love his Mother. He would tease his sisters, even though most of us are older than he is. He and Leslie would be best friends, and fierce competitors. He would share in her frustration that we are growing up and spreading out, and he would love holidays when the whole family was together again.
And even though he is not here to do all these things with us, I know that he is as happy and busy where he is now as he would be here. We love him, and he loves us, and we’ll all work and grow and be patient till we can be together again.
