Procrastination jokes aren’t exactly new, and the news that I’m a procrastinator isn’t likely to shock anyone, but I’m really battling it this week, and I thought I’d share a few of my thoughts.
I’m constantly making resolutions. I don’t need a New Year. I make plans and goals and resolutions on a daily basis. I resolve to work harder, eat better, exercise more often, read more news, cook better, keep the kitchen clean, save money, practice the piano, organize my closet, learn Spainish, apply to more jobs, blog, tweet, and be generally awesome. And I’m always sure I’ll start tomorrow. I really do want to do it. I think about doing it all the time. I dream of doing it, I sometimes even act as if I have already accomplished everything I want to. And I’m sure I’ll get there someday, somehow.
And it isn’t as if I sit around and do nothing all day. I keep busy and accomplish many good things. I have hobbies and interests and projects and responsibilities and work. It isn’t like I’m a lazy lump.
But I’m also not where I want to be. I’ve been doing a lot of looking backwards lately, and a lot of what if –ing. You know what I mean: What if I had moved here? What if I had stayed there? What if I had done an internship? What if I had changed my major? What if things had been different? What if I had started sooner?
And I know that what if’s can be useless, depressing, and even crippling. I know I need to look forward, be here now, and work with what I have. But they haunt me. And right now the one that is haunting me the most is the What if I had started sooner? What if I had really started back when I first thought of it? And just done it? And kept doing it? Where would I be now? Further than I am, of that I’m pretty sure.
So this week was an epic battle against waiting, and I am going to win. I’m starting now, not tomorrow. And I’m going to keep it up. And I’m not sure if there is really a way to live life without looking back and having at least a few what-if’s, but I don’t want to be looking back and feeling this way again next year. Or ever again, if I can help it.
